This is one of those days. I feel like I’ve left so much behind in my life and brought so little with me. Most of what I’ve left behind belongs there. It was doing nothing for me but the wrong thing.

Is that really the truth, or just what I tell myself so that I don’t tear up when I think about it?

I quit smoking six years ago today. I did it so that I would be able to mark today as something positive, instead of the horror that comes up in my mind most of the time. Leaving the smoke and the horror behind is a good thing. That, I have to believe. Then there’s things like friends, family even. Am I better off now that I have less people to care about? I mean, the less amount of people I know, the less people I can lose, right? I’m pretty sure that’s a solid equation, but on a day like today it sure fucking sucks to not have 30 people to call and commiserate with.

On a totally different note, I’m leaving for India in two days. I’m going alone and I’ll be there for a month. Essentially, I’m going there to teach a group of people how to do my job so that eventually they can take mine from me and do it for far less than what I’m paid. I may be dumb, but I’m not stupid, yaknow. Given the choice, it was either I took the free month-long all-expense paid trip to India and did the training, or someone else would. So I said ‘Fuck it!’ and signed on.

I have huge regrets about this decision now. Things like willfully taking a month away from the ‘real’ world, from my ‘normal’ life, from my wife and the few people I really do care about (they exist). I’m also scared as fucking fuck right now. I mean, being a Vegan and what with my stomach full of ulcers, my fucked up Duodenum, and my erosive esophagitis, I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to be able to eat. The good news is that they’re a very vegan friendly culture over there. Huges sect of India worships the Cow and basically thanks their animals for their contribution to society and the whole sacrifice they make to maintain their way of life. This is exactly the kind of thinking that I’m lobbying for with my Veganism, so it’s all good in that respect, but I’m really unsure how “ulcer” friendly they are over there. Anyone who knows me is aware of my undying love for spices and hot sauces. But since the ulcers, I’ve been able to eat nothing but bland blah blahness, and it sucks massive balls because I’m SUCH a food lover… cry cry.

Then there’s the cultural divide. Oh, and communication. I’m going to have to teach a room full of newbie Indians how to do my job. Am I going to be able to do this? Will I even understand them? Will they understand me? Fuck! My boss has even told me repeatedly that I’m going to have to remove my ear and eye rings before I go there, saying that they won’t ‘get it,’ or some shit like that. I’m not going to. Let them not ‘get it’ for all I care.

Here’s a valid question. It’s been exactly a year since I’ve actually updated my blog. Is there anyone out there still reading this?

I’m on the bus to work, driving right past the World Trade Center site RIGHT now… It’s not a holiday, people! Get back to fucking work!

Shit, now I’m crying. I should go.

1,326.

That’s how many days ago I quit smoking. 5 years to some. 31,824 hours to others. Sometimes it feels like an age, others, an hour.

Couldn’t have done it without tireless support of the love of my life, Eve. The reason I know this to be true is two-fold.

One, I had previously tried to quit smoking nearly three dozen times — far as I can recall — with ZERO help from others in my life and, as you can conclude, ZERO success. And two, with her by my side, I can pretty much accomplish anything within earthly reason.

I helped a little too. And for that, I’m proud.

At this point, the only thing I miss about smoking, is the quitting.

Fuck 9/11 elitist flag-wavers, I was there. I don’t need you assholes telling me how and when to remember things.

It’s MY freakin’ holiday now!

“… for my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom is as great.”

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Gather together fellow flesh fiends,Today is a very special anniversary for me. A few years ago today, I changed the course my life dramatically.

After many years of being trapped by my own stupidity, I finally sobered up to the fact that my life was headed in the absolute wrong direction, with the absolute wrong ***.

Things that I always knew had to change but was content to be lulled into complacency by, became unbearable.

I died, yet I lived. But what kind of life was I living?

I had been living my life as a zombie far longer than I had been previously willing to admit.

Zombie eater, zombie smoker, zombie worker, zombie ***.

It wasn’t obvious at the time. That’s why it had so much power, so much control. The subliminal said, You do what I say you do, and I did it unquestioningly.

There’s no need to revisit the cause of my awakening. The world has already seen fit to take care of that, ad nauseam.

Cause be damned!

The necessary changes have been made. Thanks to my wife. Always thanks to her. My heart, my friend, my strength.

I’m thankful for every smoke-free, vegan, successful website-running, day that I am able to share with her!

My beautiful, wonderful, caring, partner in life.

I died, yet I live on. No longer unaware of my former Zombie status. Thanks to the most heartbreaking moment of my generation, the Zombie generation, it all became quite Obvious to me.

You have no power over me.

-Obvious

…[Keyboard solo to 'Call Me']… zzzzzz … snore …["Jet! Woo ooh ooh Woo ooh ooh']… zzzz zzz … drool …[Ashley Simpson]… !! Alright, alright!! I’m up!

Jeez!

Fucking JACK FM.

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Today is my ‘reuniting’ anniversary! Marking four years since the glorious day that Eve and I re-teamed as the super-loving, hard-rockin’, geek-metal, couple of the century! A match born of the synchronous fires of fate!

I love you, Evie! Happy Anniversary!

Read Eve’s awesome entry about our reconnection here.

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Souless Brain-suckers,

So, I was watching Celebrity Fit Club the other day, and I saw that Turturro guy on it. Not the famous one, the NYPD blue one. Jeff… no, Nick, I think. Anyway, he gets on the scale and does the whole self-reflection thing, and it turns out the he and I are the same height and the same weight. We’re both medium build dudes, and we’re around the same age too.

It did not make me happy that somebody so similar to myself felt the appropriate next step in his life was to go on a ‘Fat’ show!

The only thing holding me together was the fact that thanks to the J23ix2, I’ve been on the road to a healthier me for two and half weeks, and that me and Eve both agreed that he didn’t look that bad.

Still, it gives me pause.

Sixteen days in, if nothing else, I can easily say I’ve been consistent. My body hurts a bit, but it’s that good hurt which usually means stuff is getting stronger.

Please let it mean that stuff is getting stronger.

-Zombie

Three years ago, Zombie put the saw to the bone.

I attempted to embark on a journey of self-improvement- what I dubbed the ‘June 23rd Initiative (J23I). I had just been through a rough two-year stretch of ups-an-downs, and I felt I had let time get the better of me.

So the J23I was an attempt to get a firm grip on my reins and get back into the habit of doing what I felt was ‘my daily thing (MDT).’ MDT usually consisted of some form of reading, writing, drawing, learning, exercising, practicing, meditating, and producing.

Deliberate actions of improvement have always been important to me. But unfortunately, unless I go regimental on my ass, I will usually allow myself all manner of excuses to become distracted from my goals.

One fall off the bike, and I’d slip-up.

So anyway, in honor of brainchange trail-blazer and genius, R.A.W., I am proud to announce that on July 23, 2006, ObZomb Inc. (that’s me) enacted the rollout of J23Ix2.

I’m certain to elaborate more when time permits.

-Obvious